I used to have a mantra. One that carried me along everywhere I went for decades. Want to know what it was? Fat, Ugly, and Stupid.
This mantra impacted every aspect of my life and caused me to believe it was the sum of my parts. It had power. It stole my life. It stole my joy. It saturated me to my very core. It was the basis for all of my decisions. We are a product of what we believe about ourselves. Did you know?
I believed I had no talents. That I had somehow missed the memo to show up the day God was handing them out. So I went on my not-so-merry way believing the hype. Hype it definitely was.
This lie cost me career, education, relationships, health, financial stability, mental stability and peace. It almost cost my life. In believing the lie, I left little room for the truth. I was comfortable in my discomfort.
I tried to find comfort in food, men, outer beauty, and material things. At the end of the day though, you take your heart with you everywhere you go and so it went on with me until I almost ended my life.
I needed an intervention…then Jesus arrived on the scene. He changed everything.
I would like to say that overnight I became someone else. In one aspect that is very true but my transformative process has largely been just that…a process. Peeling layer after layer of sin and depression and pain…so much pain. Not the kind you see on the outside but the kind that rots your soul on the inside.
I had to make a decision to follow the One that could heal my soul’s diseases. He exchanged His beauty for my ashes. My lies for His truth. My emptiness for His fullness.
Today, piece by piece I’m reclaiming the parts of me that have been given to people, places and things initiated by the enemy of our souls with His loving guidance.
I had nothing to give Jesus when He came. Just a broken vessel. So damaged I didn’t think He could do anything with it. It was stained with all of the tears of regret and sorrow. It had the label: damaged goods.
But His Word says, The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and He saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
He held out His hand and asked me a simple question, “Will you give it to me Tracey? Will you give me your brokenness? I’ve already suffered and died for it. All of it. If you can believe that I am who I say I am, and that I’ve done what my Word says I’ve done, we can have a beautiful exchange.” I made the best decision of my life to take hold of what He offered.
Today, I am an overcomer. I relate to Joseph, after going through many life trials, tells his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” That’s really the bottom line for me. I get to use what life has thrown at me for the saving of many lives.
I can relate to the abused, the abandoned and neglected, the addicted, the suicidal, the depressed, the lonely and childless, the labeled and the overwhelmed. I can also relate to the overcomer because I walk in the fullness of wellness today.
God healed me and has given me the charge to help heal others -- to give to others what He has given to me. My mantra today is Live Your Truth. Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth. As I follow His lead, I find in living my truth it keeps me walking continuously in the freedom Jesus gave me in His exchange.
Saffron Soul is not just about art and jewelry or aesthetically beautiful things. It’s about freedom. That is the song of my heart. Freedom from hopelessness, freedom in the mind, freedom in the heart, freedom dear one in our souls. If I can give a gift to my world, it would be to pour out to everyone I meet His love, His hope, His peace. To teach them how to receive the same exchange He did with me for themselves. True, fulfilling, lasting beauty can never be found in created things. It can only be found in the Creator that knows your heart better than you do.
To make my world beautiful one heart at a time is true success.